choosing to change

"Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important."

I read this quote on another blog today. 

I spend alot of time talking with people, writing, blogging, sharing in discussions, classes, worships, about a bunch of things that seem important. We talk about our days, our lives, loves, faith, beliefs, passions. All things I think are really important. 

But I'm still here, alone. Even when I'm with other people, I still feel really alone. I think loneliness does come from being alone. But it also encompasses alot more than that.

Is communicating enough to cure loneliness?

I don't always tell everyone all of what's on my mind but I'm not sure that would make me feel any better or my situation any more ideal. Sometimes telling people what's on my mind and how I really feel makes me feel worse. Many times, especially recently, I find it hard to even talk about my struggles with loneliness, health, etc. without fighting back tears. But I am trying to be more open with people. So I tell them. Then, I've given of myself, my insecurities, my struggles and shared with them. But what are they meant to do with that? They listen and care, but then they go to be with their families and people they love, and I'm still here. Alone. And all I really feel is their pity. That's not what I want.

So I think that while communicating is important and does help us feel more connected, build relationships and trust, and allow others to show love and support for us. There is more we need to do.

We are choosers of our own destiny.

If we want to be happy and not be lonely or sad, then we need to make choices and changes in our lives that will direct us on that path. We need to do what we need to do to make ourselves happy and feel good about the lives we are living. I feel like saying that sounds a bit selfish, like we should only look out for ourselves and screw everyone else. That's not really what I mean. I mean look out for yourself, your happiness, and do what you need to do with compassion, understanding and care for the lives of the people around you and those which your choices affect. But I ultimately think that if we choose to make ourselves happy, then the lives we touch will be better off as well. "How can anyone else love you if you don't love yourself?"

One of my friends always uses the quote "nothing changes if nothing changes" and I think that is very true. If we want things to change, if we don't want to be lonely or sad or stuck in a rut, then we need to choose to do something differently. Communicating our unhappiness and desire for change is definitely a part of that. Noone can help us or support us if they have no idea what's going on. But I think it is largely up to us, as humans with divinely given free will, to make our own decisions and make changes to make our lives what we want them to be. To seek out our own happiness, destiny, peace. Do what you love to do - do nothing else.

This is not something I am an expert at by any means, but something I am learning. I think it is a hard road and that you have to make alot of sacrifices for what you want in life. But for me, I'm learning to seek confidence, happiness and peace in my own life and believe that will positively affect the people around me.

I don't want to be feel like this any more. So, I'm beginning to make changes to my life... are you?

"Nothing changes if nothing changes, and if I keep doing what I've always done, I'll keep getting what I've always got, and will keep feeling what I always felt."