Day 22 - A Song You LIsten To When You're Sad

... because it's pretty sad... but good.

Day 21 - A Song You LIsten to When You're Happy

... because this song makes my day :)

Day 20 - A Song You Listen to When You're Angry

... it's pretty recent, because it's catchy and angry all at the same time. here's the censored version of the one i usually listen to when i'm angry. it's a little less glee-ful ;)

this is another one that i go to when i'm angry.. it's a little more relevant to real life for me, i think...

Day 19 - A Song from your Favourite Album

... because i've become a pretty big fan of this band lately.

Day 18 - A Song You Wish You Heard On The Radio

... because I didn't really know this song before this weekend but i like it. but i'd be more interested in hearing this girl on the radio regardless of what song it was. but i'm sure one day i will. she's pretty awesome and truly one of the greatest friends i have.

Day 17 - A song you hear often on the radio lately

... because sometimes i feel like a plastic bag. don't you?

Day 16 - A Song you used to love but now hate

... because i used to love this crap. can you tell i was an 80s child? :/

Day 15 - A Song that Describes you

... because i was having a hard time finding a song that encompasses alot of me. i don't necessarily relate to the true meaning behind this song, but i think i connect with it for a few reasons:

- i think i'm kind of a mystery to alot of people. there aren't really many people who know me deeply. i'm a pretty private person and there are really only a small number of people in my life who have been patient enough or taken the time and effort to get to know me well
- sarah mclachlan is canadian. so am i. so it's representative of my home. so there's that...
- this song was one of my favourites during my teen years and i used to sing it at a number of performances when i was really involved in music, so it's meaningful to me in that way
- i live in a church... pretty much. i live and breathe it right now. it's my life at the moment and a big part of me
- i hold on to alot of things. i sometimes have a hard time letting go and moving on. i hold stuff in alot. i don't always say what i'm thinking. i don't trust too easily. i'm a true introvert and keep alot of things inside.
- i'm really careful...cautious...and i make careful choices...and maybe a bit paranoid. to a fault. i worry too much about things i usually don't need to worry about. i'm really careful when it comes to other people and relationships. i wish i was more care-free sometimes...
- i wear sandals in the snow ... alot.

it's a bittersweet symphony... this life

.expectations.

i've been thinking alot lately about expectations...


the expectations i put on others and whether they are realistic or even justified and even why i have any expectations at all
the expectations others put on me
the expectations i put on me
and where all these expectations have gotten me...




here's some food for thought on expectations that I liked. this in no way means i necessarily believe all of this or have any ability to actually do it on my own, no matter how much i may want to be able to. just some things to think about:



"...we seem to place some sort of godlike standard on some "special" people. then we are disappointed when we are disappointed with them? that's not fair, people are just people. it is our own job to make sure that our own hearts are taken care of and we are living our own lives, and not in some dream world we created in our minds."


"every time someone says EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED I like to punch them in the face and say, not as easy as it sounds is it?"

"Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don't over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness"


"There are no “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts” in God’s world. Do what you want to do. Do what reflects you, what represents you as a grander version of your Self. If you want to feel bad, feel bad. But judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs, nor to what end. And remember you this: that which you condemn will condemn you, and that which you judge, you will one day become. Rather, seek to change those things—or support others who are changing those things—which no longer reflect your highest sense of Who You Are. Yet, bless all—for all is the creation of God, through life living, and that is the highest creation."


"Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs"


"you cannot make anyone else love you. all you can do is let yourself be loved"


"It is generally known, that he who expects much will be often disappointed; yet disappointment seldon cures us of expectation, or has any effect other than that of producing a moral sentence or peevish exclamation"


"other people may not have had high expectations for me... but I had high expectations for myself."


"let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to."


"we should expect the best and the worst of mankind, as from the weather."


"always expect the worst, and you will never be disappointed."


"i do my thing and you do yours. i am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. you are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. if not, it can't be helped." - Gestalt prayer

Day 14 - A Song Noone Would Expect You To Love

... because some boys got me hooked on this band once upon a time...

Day 13 - A Song that is a Guilty Pleasure

... because i used to really love whitney houston and mariah carey ... before they turned into crackheads..

Do... Something

To be successful in life, it seems that so many people believe you need one thing: to be “the best”. We strive to be the strongest, the richest, the smartest, the most talented. We want “the best” for those around us so we work long hours and even numerous jobs to be able to provide for our families and even just to be accepted in our own fields of interest or expertise. We spend hours, days, years working at jobs and studying to be better than we are. Having goals, aspirations and the drive to succeed is all very admirable and are important for our sense of worth and accomplishment in life. But, sometimes I wonder…why? Why do we spend all this time and energy competing to get to the top and to live such full, eventful lives so we feel we have something to show for ourselves? So much so that lots of times we end up barely having time for anything else? Is being “the best” at something worth it if we become so driven towards our own goals in life that we neglect our families, friends, or even our own health and happiness? At the end of your life, will you be remembered by your family and friends by how much money you made, how smart you were, how driven, competitive, or successful you were in any area? And even if you are, is that what you would want to be remembered for? In the end, what really makes us “the best”? When it comes down to it, what is it that really matters?

I think I was about 10 or 11 when my grandfather passed away. I have fond memories of spending time with him when I was very young, eating licorice allsorts and him sitting in his lounge chair entertaining me and my cousins with what he would say were “funny jokes” where we might have called them “lame jokes”. His favourite was “Did you hear about the kidnapping at the shopping centre? ... The mum had to go and wake him up.” [insert eye roll and polite laughter here]. I don’t remember much about my grandpa’s funeral or truthfully much about who my grandfather was. I remember what he looked like and times when I was with him, but I don’t remember what he was good at or what he spent his life doing. I was never old enough to know much about what kind of person he really was or learn too many lessons from him that I could comprehend their meaning at the time. But I remember the quality time he spent with all of us, even at a young age. And I remember this poem that was read at his funeral. So I like to imagine my grandpa was a bit like this:


“You never know when someone
May catch a dream from you.
You never know when a little word
Or something you may do
May open up the windows
Of a mind that seeks the light…
The way you live may not matter at all,
But you never know, it might.”


Over the past ten years, I’ve travelled and lived in a lot of different places. I’ve been fortunate enough to become friends with many talented, motivated and successful people. They went after their goals and attempted to make their mark in the world. I’m proud of them for finding their passions and achieving their dreams. But, as I think about the people in my life from each of those places, the ones that have meant the most to me (my “best” friends) aren’t the ones with the highest degrees, the biggest houses, or the most money or fame. They are the ones that I’ve shared memorable moments with, went on spontaneous adventures with, shared good laughs and deep conversations with. They are the ones who stopped by to check in on me when they knew I was having a hard time, the ones who left random, unexpected notes to say hi or just show their appreciation. The ones who made the time and the effort to show they cared.

For me, “the best” people I know are the ones who have gone to the trouble to do little things to make even just a small impact. It’s not so much what they do, it’s that when faced with the choice to do something or do nothing, they chose to do SOMETHING. They chose to smile as they walked by instead of looking at the ground. They chose to write that note or make that phone call just to say hi, or to spend time talking out problems, offering encouragement or advice, or pondering life’s questions in silence. Instead of taking some much needed rest from their already busy lives, they chose to spend time with friends, or do something to help another person in need. I think the part that makes all of those “somethings” REALLY something is that they did them, not because they had anything to gain or were obligated in any way, but simply because they could. They chose to care.

From time to time over the years, I’ve been brought back to this poem and the memory of my grandpa. It gives me encouragement to instead of doing nothing, do something. To be “the best” person I can be, I think that sometimes it’s important to step out of the competitive ring and put aside my personal goals and agendas, my work, my projects and time fillers to do something that matters or to take the time to show care and support to someone I love. Simply because, in reality, the things we choose to do may make no difference and we may never know if they even meant anything at all. But “… you never know, it might”.

- editorial for the victoria reminder

Day 12 - A Song from a Band You Hate

... because it's hurting my ears. please don't waste your time by actually playing this video

for days that suck

this video makes me laugh alot - every. single. time. ... even better when played on repeat... :)

<3

Day 11 - A Song From Your Favourite Band

... because this was the first concert i ever went to and the first band i really loved. which is obvious, since i couldn't decide which song to post. they're all so good! if you don't know and love this band. you should. ahh.. flashbacks... :)

 

.lara.

i just finished booking my trip to brisbane for next weekend to visit my friend lara and to hear her play a gig on sunday. she is a truly incredibly talented girl and one of those people who just really blesses my life every time i'm around her... which sadly, isn't very often. but i feel lucky to get to know her and call her my friend.

this me and lara almost 6 years ago when i lived with her family for 2 months during my worldservice corps term in sydney.

this is her on youtube:

this is her website: http://www.lara-janethompson.com/
you should buy her album on her website or itunes.

because she is pretty awesome.



i. can't. wait. for. brisbane. :)

Day 10 - A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

... because it's so relaxing. i love it.

good advice??

Day 9 - A Song You Can Dance To

... because this song kept popping in my head every time I was thinking of a song you can dance to. And I liked this dance sequence on glee. so enjoy. :)

.shells.

i was sitting here tonight reading through some old letters and emails. every once in awhile i come back to this blog i have saved on my computer. one day a few months after i arrived in australia, i came across this on my friend's blog page, that i had never noticed before. i was surprised to see my photo at the top of the blog and even more surprised to read what he wrote. this is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me and means even more knowing that he didn't just write it to make me feel good about myself or to say what he thought he should say. he didn't even tell me he wrote it. but looking back almost 3 years later, i can truly say it has shaped me and my life here. it changed me. in numerous ways, it has become a big part of me (so much so, that you may have noticed it inspired the quote at the top of my blog page). and it has been a reminder to me to focus on my own sense of call and direction and let the rest of the things in my life (my shells) drop into place around it . but most of all, it means a lot because since the first time i read it i have been able to come back to this when i've been in doubt, wondered why i am here and what i'm doing, feeling lonely or sad or distant from all the things and people i moved away from. it reminds me of my purpose. it sets me straight. and it reminds me that if nothing else, there was at least one person who, at one time, believed in me and supported me in going where i felt i was being led...

I had the recent opportunity to spend a weekend in Canada with two very good friends. While it was considered a mini vacation for me, as I’m sure it was for the others, it was more because one of them was leaving for Australia and would be gone for a few years. Okay, maybe you didn’t catch that - my friend is leaving for Australia for a few YEARS. Let me tell you a little about her story, then maybe it will sink a little better for you.

For sake of anonymity, we will call said Australian bound friend Rachelle. Rachelle spent two years with me at Oklahoma State University studying leadership. Actually, she put up with me for a year in the same building. Rachelle is pretty unique though. She handled my uniqueness like she had known me forever and taught me quite a few lessons along the way. It was always our goal to take over the world at some point, but we always set our sights within reason and decided to take over OSU first. We did. We practically owned that place when we left. We let a few people in, like a character named Tapley, but few others had the candor or brains to master what we had in the works.

The reason I bring Rachelle into this blog is because she has done something that few others in this world have done. She left her family, friends, and everything that is familiar to her to pursue the few things God has for her. Rob Bell’s Shells 020 Nooma speaks about having so many tiny fragments of shells in our hands as we walk down the beach that when we see something whole and complete, like a starfish in the water, we can’t pick it up because we are holding too many shells. In other words, we have so many things going on in our lives that when that one thing that God has called us to do comes along, we can’t pick it up or say “yes” because we are holding too much already.

Rachelle has made a commitment to work for the church and serve in the ministry for four years. For four years she will be away from everything she has known because she was able to pick up the few things that God has called her to do. What an honor it is to know someone like this. Thank you “Rachelle” for following God’s calling and sacrificing so much of your life to do his will.

So my question to you is this: what are you holding on to, what can’t you say “no” to and what things have filled your hands to the point where you can’t pick up and say “yes” to the few things God has for you? For me - I have a lot of things that I’m holding on to. But I look at Rachelle and those who have sacrificed so much of their lives to serve in the ministry, and I see hope for what is in store for me. I’m working on slowly dropping those small things that tie up my hands so that when God calls me to the big picture I will be ready to grab on with both hands and enjoy the ride!

Day 8 - A Song You Know All The Words To

... because i like this song and it reminds me of graceland days and going all over the place on weekends to watch my friends' band play

Day 7 - A Song that Reminds You of a Certain Event

... because it reminds me of singing at my high school graduation

Day 6 - A Song that Reminds You of Somewhere

... because it reminds me of perhaps the best road trip i've ever been on with 3 great friends to niagra falls, boston, and washington, dc. this was #1 on our road trip cd. good times. good memories.

Day 5 - A Song That Reminds You Of Someone

... because it reminds me of some of my favourite times with my awesome friend Jen Hurley and driving around independence singing this at the top of our lungs into our twizzlers... it makes me laugh at our ridiculousness just thinking about it. :)



Day 4 - A Song that Makes You Sad

... because it's kind of slow and depressing and sometimes kind of hits a bit close to home...kind of

Day 3 - A Song that Makes You Happy

... because i am addicted to this song and it is so awesome.

.faith in action.

.faith in action. - peace blog

i like when i read about my friends making a bit of positive difference in the world...



sometimes i could do without your criticism. your arrogance. your negativity.
since when did this all become about being the best?

Day 2 - Your Least Favourite Song

...because i think the title speaks for itself. there are not really words for how terrible everything about this song is.

Day 1 - Your Favourite Song

...because it reminds me that when things aren't going the way you want them to, that you have the control and freedom to change it to make your life the way you want



30 day song challenge

One of my friends was posting videos of his favourite songs on facebook as part of this 30 Day Song Challenge. I decided to give it a go on here... Enjoy. :)

tomorrow is a new day

sometimes it can be hard to keep a smiling face

when things get hard, when you fall and literally can't get back up, when you feel something you know you shouldn't, when someone else has something you want and you can't figure out what you did wrong

it can be difficult to be strong, to brush it off, to not take it personally

sometimes it can be hard to be the rock, pretend you don't care

to be supportive when all you feel is completely the opposite, hurt, green with....

it may even bring tears to your eyes, crush your spirit, your composure, or turn your face a flushing shade of red 

sometimes it can be hard to let it go...

but let it go. it's probably not as bad or maybe not even what it seems. in the end, will it really even matter?

take a breath. find something that makes you happy. and focus on what really matters and what will still matter tomorrow.



job searching

So, in about 5 months I'm going to need a new job. The hard part is, I really love the job I have and can't really imagine that any other job is going to be half as awesome. I love that my current job doesn't even seem like a job. I mean there are always some things I don't absolutely love doing (like budgets, expense reports, politics and rules, having to be a representative of the church/role model when there are some times I just want to be irresponsible and not worry about who's watching, etc.) but those things are fairly minor. Really, most of my days I spend planning or doing things that I would do voluntarily in a heartbeat. And I get to hang out with some really great people who inspire me and who I love alot. And I still feel challenged by my job, after 3 years, and always finding new ways to grow in it and new projects to take on. I love that - all of it. I think that is what a career or any job should be like, if at all possible. If only having the perfect job made up for all the other parts of life that are less than perfect. That would be... perfect. So, I kind of feel that no matter what job I have it will be settling for something that I know isn't going to be as good. But I have to hope, right? That maybe there are other jobs out there for me that I will be just as passionate about...

Job searching is not something I'm really excited about. I updated my resume the other day, which was a bit of a task since I didn't even submit a formal resume to get this job, just submitted a list of experiences and skills and past positions. So it was about 5 years out of date. (Note to self: update resume more often). But it's still a bit vague as I'm not even sure what I want to do, let alone what kind of jobs would fit my personality, skills and experience.

Any suggestions of jobs or fields of work I should apply for when I move back to Canada?